I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It's blow job season.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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