somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
