I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
