I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
