I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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