okay pat passed out under dana's car
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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