Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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