i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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