He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
