there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
