Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
