Midget sex pt 2 tonight
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
