I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Can I color on your dick again?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
