He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
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We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
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You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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