i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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