Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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