I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Did I show you my penis last night?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
