No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
