nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
