Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
