wanna go halves on a baby?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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