STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I fill condoms, not promises.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
