At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
