Old men and throwing up are my life now.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I understand Curling. That high.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
