is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
