So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
