this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
soo... how was my night?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
