You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
