The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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