is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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