You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She needs sedatives and a leash
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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