I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You're completely useless in the revolution.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
