i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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