So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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