You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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