I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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