I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
it hurts more in the daytime
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
When are your genitals available?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
