I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
