the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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