I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
