There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize