Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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