I just saw a hot homeless man
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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