i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
