you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
