a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
