i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
