areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
