Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
