My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
