See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
