Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
