Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
