i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
