even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
