you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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