Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize