I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
