Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
