Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
