I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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