So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
then he tried to convert me to islam
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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