You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
