Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
