I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
