don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
