Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
