Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
