He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
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This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
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Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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