If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
