someone get that fucking seahorse.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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