Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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