holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I came so hard my ears popped.
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