tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
