Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
