I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
