I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize