yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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