I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
