i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
