So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
