i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
